swallowed in the [sea]

i want to sit behind a rhodes piano, and suddenly know every note and every key.

i want to visit london. and tokyo. and israel. and africa. and the ocean, yes the ocean. i want to stand and feel the water. we are land locked. stuck. miles and hours away. i feel so small near the water. incredibly small and incredibly safe.

i want to ride my bicycle. with basket in tow. to get popsicles. and lay in the park.

i want to see brand new things and paint and be inspired by people. all sorts of people. all kinds.

my thought is this: this life is so short. blink of an eye short. so lets live. and love. a lot. live life to its fullest. serving and giving and loving. and hoping. lots of hope. full of hope. and joy, yes that too.

i am stressed. but calm. God is good. always. he just cant be anything else.

[coldplay is inspiring]

You cut me down a tree
And brought it back to me
And that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong
You put me on a shelf
And kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself
You can only blame me

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line
And hung me out to dry
And darling that's when I
Decided to go to see you

You cut me down to size
And opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see

And I could write a book
The one they'll say that shook
The world, and then it took
It took it back from me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
And you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

The streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see

Oh the streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong
And you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

You belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

i just redeemed a ton of free music on itunes. thanks starbucks for a free song every week.

the last couple of weeks and days have been spent in reflection and reevaluation. on who i am and who i've become. i feel like i've spent the last few months in a fog. trying to justify my actions and my complacency. when thats not who i am. i am not negative. im not hopeless. i have joy. i have a lot of life in me.

God is revealing his goodness to me. not that i had forgotten. but i am more aware. more aware of his wonderful character and his huge amounts of grace. i guess it is true that truly being broken and rock bottom will allow your senses to become even more aware of just how much we need him.

i dont have it all together. i dont claim to. im ok with that. i dont want to be in control. if my plans were the right ones, it would just be a dodgy mess. ha. im thankful that he knows what is best for us.

now if i could just learn a little patience. seriouslyyyy.

this guy told me tonight that if girls would just chase guys a little more then it would make things easier. brother, its just not how its meant to be. be a man. sorry. this girl will not be chasing.

thank you Lord for your words and your truth. this is what love looks like [and i will never lose hope]

"You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, With a single strand of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than all kinds of spices!" Song of Solomon 4:9-10.

there is a need.

i need to go to africa.

[tell of His glory among the nations, His wonderful deeds among the peoples]

out of the wreck i rise.

i try my best to read oswald chamber's 'my utmost for his highest' every day. the language and vernacular is, at times, hard to get through, but for the most part it is incredibly encouraging and thought provoking. i keep going back to the entry from the nineteenth of may.

http://www.myutmost.org/05/0519.html

God's love is bigger than our own understanding.

"Either Jesus Christ is a deceiver and Paul is deluded, or some extraordinary thing happens to a man who holds on to the love of God when the odds are all against God's character. Logic is silenced in the face of every one of these things. Only one thing can account for it - the love of God in Christ Jesus. "Out of the wreck I rise" every time."

what a beautiful statement. that it's not about us. not even close. and His grace, his wonderful grace, we get it, no thanks to our merit, but luckily, because He is just so great and full of love.

what a relief.

summer is here. i want to ride my bike. but i need someone to ride with me. because im a little scared, traffic and such.

ok. i am taking a trip this summer. somewhere. i have no idea where yet. but im just going to do it. i'll let ya know.

soap box

dear nashville allergies. why you gotta be like that?

moving along.

“For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.” psalm 139:13and14

lets just think about this. fearfully and wonderfully made. we are. we were created, wonderfully. what a beautiful thought. that me, this girl who, like so many other girls, doesnt always love how she looks, gets frustrated more often that not, but was fearfully and wonderfully created. with purpose. with a plan, a goal in mind.

i have been encouraged so much lately by my friends that i am, in deed, a catch. that there is someone that my Father has created specifically and intricately for me. my dear friend katherine put it well when she said "What our beautiful father has instore for you.....is unmeasurably perfect love. An adventure all it's own. And he will climb the highest tower for you, fight for you, share with and delight in you." [thank you miss]

now. i am so excited for that. absolutely. i like adventures. that dont make sense. but somehow fit. im ready and willing. all you gotta do is give it a shot. right? right.

i have two friendship bracelets on. and i have a-symmetrical hair now. i've been drinking water constantly for the past two days and still feel a bit dehydrated. hmm. i did not watch the season finale of lost, nor have i seen last weeks episode? but i am going to leave work 20 minutes early tomorrow night to see the finale of greys. i mean, this sister has to see that. and i think we are going to chicago for a couple of days on my birthday. twenty five. that is just another blog all together. =) haha.

just be honest. be black and white. a little straightforwardness never hurt anyone. [and that is the longest word i have ever seen]

goodnight. <3

re:love

kickin around the idea of traveling to the mediterranean next year. can you imagine? greece. italy. cyprus. taking a boat to damascus. i want this to happen. more or less, i need it to happen. pray it works out. God willing, our adventure will be tentatively scheduled for early summer 2010. join us. seriously. i want to see the world with you.

i was emotionally moved by a documentary called Born Into Brothels. i believe it came out about four years ago, about the red light district in Calcutta, India, and the children that live there. they inspire me to be a better person. to live a life serving others and spreading hope. i was moved. please watch if you havent already.

also. i bought tom's today. grey ones. in turn, a pair was given to a child in need of shoes. i am continuously inspired and moved and encouraged that there are good people out there, trying to make a difference in this world. that people realize that this life is too short, and there is a great need. there is a need for light and hope in darkness.

someone today told me that if they could describe me in one word, that they would say 'love'. im not saying this to give myself points, by no means. because, at the end of the day, i have a selfish heart a lot of the time. but the fact of the matter is, God has given me a huge heart to love people, even when i dont have to strength to do so. i am grateful for that. because sometimes i dont want to love. or i dont want to believe in it. but i just cant shake it. i believe it. i hope for it. i see it in so many things, in people, in art, in music.

i am incredibly honored and humbled to see with eyes like that. because i certainly dont deserve it.

lend me your ears and i'll sing you a song

hokay so.

i am currently in an oversized grey hoodie. sitting on the couch. in birmingham. being here is so uncomfortable. dont get me wrong. i love my family. i love this house. i love memories of growing up here, running through the woods behind the house to hang out with the neighborhood kids, riding bicycles in the front, waiting to hear the ice cream truck bells, theres just so many. but i feel like i've grown out of this town. i feel unfit, out of place. its ok. i do love nashville with my whole heart. i love its newness, its possibilities, the community, the magic. i wish i had the ability to steal every one of my friends who do not live in nash and relocate them to my neighborhood.

life has its ups and downs right now. i am content with that. it has this calm sweetness about it, that i absolutely love. i feel close to God, i feel as if he's an old friend i want to get coffee with often and learn and grow and laugh and cry with. i am really excited about that.

theres a tornado warning at the moment. hey, weather, can you just cut it out? kthanks.

current events have challenged me to raise the bar a bit, in the department of a future mate. integrity and humility are absolutely make or breaks. and pursuit. absolutely. i am a catch, mister.. ha. =)

my latest tattoo is nicely turning into conversations about my hope and comfort, and i am so thankful for that. its so great to see how God can use anything for his glory.

hey, across the universe, i know i was late in watching your movie and listening to your soundtrack, but thank you thank you for all that you are. i am currently obsessed. thank you.

death cab next week. fun, in bham, in a few weeks. coldplay in a month. music music! i love you!

[summertime two thousand nine equals holga photoshoots on the trampoline. holla]