firecracker.

i havent slept a lot lately. partially because its nearing the end of the semester. tests and due dates and portfolios and drawings and such. partially because my mind is completely full, thoughts of the summer, making plans, figuring out where to escape to for my twenty-fifth [the one we do not speak of]. and partially because my heart is tired.

i have slowly come to the realization that even though something sounds good, and it makes sense in my pseudo-logical brain, it is indeed, quite the opposite. my initial reaction is to justify actions, or read in to words and thoughts. but that just lets me down. i just let me down. and i suppose i will settle with that.

and also, amongst that realization, i began to reevaluate and reconsider just what it is i am looking for. in someone. forever. not that i will begin to make this laundry list for you. but i do know i dont want to chase. i dont want to pursue. i dont want to play games. black. and white. i want integrity. and i want to be wanted. not in a sexual way, but i want to be fought for. make sense? i dont know. and once you have me. i will fight for you. deal.

moving on. putting it to rest. for now.

i just read this. enjoy.

"it is up to all of us to illuminate the world" philippe venier

[that is truth]