ill take snows days any day.

(only if it has to be this cold)

new new.

danny, my roommate lacey, and i watched julie and julia the other night. what an inspiration! to start writing more, to starting cooking more, or learning to cook, rather. (although i do not see myself learning how to de-bone a duck anytime soon)

but. i decided to revamp my blog a bit, and use this as an outlet, a way of documenting of my adventures as a newly-engaged girl planning a wedding, planning a marriage.

if anything it will be therapy for me, to get ideas out of my jumbled head, a way of sharing lovely discoveries to you, as i dive in to the crazy world of insane wedding planning.

(even with a terrible terrible cold, i can still smell what seems to be cinnamon, or nutmeg, in the apartment above mine..how delicious!)

now i must break from writing. it is a snow day here in nashville(with no snow, mind you) it is not a snow day for me, damn those online classes. algebra calls. i'm pondering the idea of paying someone to finish my class for me..hmmm.

i'll be leaving you (whoever you are) with internet treats so soon! i've been uncovering so many wonderful things in my online searches, so just you wait, soon, very soon.

fin.

the last thirteen days have been more than overwhelming.

its so hard to wrap my mind around the events as of late, how emotions have been on both ends of the spectrum. i have been so incredibly happy the past few weeks. i have been sad and angry to boot. [i swear sometimes im bipolar, or some nonsense like that, but most likely im just overwhelmed and dealing]

i am engaged to the most amazing man ive ever known. i have so incredibly blessed. honored at that. [place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. it burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. song of solomon 8:6]

i have such wonderful and supportive friends. how i came across them, i will never know. my heart aches so much knowing that some of my best friends are a million miles away, in different states and different countries. if only nashville was your home too.

i am scared. i am incredibly excited. i am sitting in my new home. it is a perfect little apartment with hardwood floors and big windows and even bigger trees outside of them. it is cozy. i am excited for the upcoming year. i am ready to put two thousand and nine behind me.

hardest year of my life.

its funny [and by funny i dont really mean funny at all] how two seconds can change your life forever. how life becomes more real, more destructible, in two seconds. how breathing a last breath is feasible.

how incredibly fortunate i am. how incredibly good God is.

i am ready for two thousand and ten. i am ready for a new chapter and a new story.

ps. coeur de pirate will hold a special place in my heart. i love her and her music and her singing voice and her piano playing skills. oh. and. her hair.

i love you. and you.

ok.

ahem.

lets start from the beginning.

yesterday the fifteenth of december. it was sweet little Kailyn's three year old birthday party. i got her two dr. seuss books. oh, the places you will go! and the sleep book. seriously, so excited to go to a three year olds birthday party.

danny wanted a coffee date before we left, at fido. there were a couple of times where i definitely tried to get out of it so we could just go to the partay.

but alas. we went. i picked danny up from his apartment and we went to get coffee at fido. props to D, he was so calm. it was kinda busy..we went to look for a table. we walked towards the back, im super oblivious. sooo. i looked up and saw one of my dearest friends john from wisconsin sitting in the back with kami and david and calen. what the hell? i kinda freaked out, yet, i still had no clue what was going on.

we hugged. it was a good moment. i turned around and saw rachel and lacey. and then i got super confused. and then it happened. i dont really remember much after that, except i kept sayin "oh God this is happening right now" danny got down on one knee. and said "wanna be my wife?" i think i said yes? haha.. i said yes.

perfect moment. pictures to follow.

loveyou.

fallwinter.

fall quickly fades to winter.

its funny how seasons change, and we just miss it. its so hard, with life as busy as it is, to stop. and to breathe. and to embrace the slowly fading green to yellow to red to brown. we almost miss it.

how did it happen? i want it back. i want to slow down. but move fast. have my cake, and eat it too.

how can i make time stop//but get through this season?

i remember last year at this time. it was a hard time. it was a bitter time. not so much in cold weather. but you know when its so cold out and you are completely wrapped up in gloves and scarves and hats and coats, but its still so cold. that bitter "i can't breathe i can't catch my breath" that cold? it was bitter. i just wanted to catch my breath. i just wanted to catch a break. i remember someone said, if we can just get through this winter, then we'll be ok. i hung on to that hope throughout the winter. and then it was spring. in books, in literature, spring represents renewal and rebirth. "Nothing is so beautiful as spring"-hopkins..agreed, sir. i am glad for changing seasons, seasons of growth and movement and changes of color and gloves and hats and cider. and such. i am so so thankful. now if i could just slow down.

i am looking forward to spring. yes. moving forward, learning as i go, walking side by side, hand in hand, with a loving and supportive man of God, who continually challenges and motivates me to seek after the Lord. and lets me be, wait, no, loves me for, who i am. emotional//loud//crazy//dodgy//mess. ah, yes, you! you are the one i have been waiting for. so glad our paths crossed. and you asked me to be yours.

[thank you, Jesus]

i walked up to my house tonight, my sweet sweet house where i spent the past 11 months seeking and growing and changing. and i stopped. and i crunched a bunch of leaves that were on the sidewalk. and smiled. those little things in life, they create more joy in my heart than a lot of big things.

ive rambled enough for one evening. its time to sleep. i have an electric blanket now, thanks to my parents. i won't be so cold anymore.

<3

my boyfriend just sent me this photograph. i am in love with it. and him.

ahem.

i'm just ready for a new last name.

there. i said it.