my hands are cracked. partially from the millions of dishes i wash when i'm at work. partially from this cold winter. developing photos in the dark room does not help.
i went on a 'cleanse' of raw fruits and vegetables. it was supposed to be for seven days. i started it on thursday evening. and i'm eating chips and hummus right now. i didnt last. we'll work on the pursuit of healthy living some other time.
right now i am completely at a loss. i am sitting on the couch, watching tv. i havent done this in months. literally. i dont have time anymore. for little things. like naps. and making cupcakes. and watching movies. and crosswords. i dont even have enough time to do decent school work.
i want so much to feel confident in my work. i want to feel like i am moving forward and learning, but i am at a stand still. i feel like i dont even have enough time to put the effort that decent work deserves. and its stealing my joy. being mediocre, feeling like i am capable of something better or bigger, but not having one free second [or atleast so it seems] to practice and become a better artist slash photographer. if only i had enough money to pay my bills, so that i wouldnt have to work. doesnt that sound beautiful? [yeah, it does]
God really knows how to shake me up, however. thank you.
todays random verse i read. how funny:
"Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them." daniel 10:12.
even in this middle of this mess ive gotten myself in, God completely wrecks me and pulls me up and gives me hope. to which i am forever thankful.
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