void.

in the last few hours, a heavy cloud of discouragement started hanging over me. i've been sitting alone at a coffee shop for several hours, doing school work, researching reception venues, scheduling things, and such.

and i had to stop and breathe in, and realize that although i am quite content in this season of my life (i can't help but smile when i think about marrying my best friend, beginning a new stage as a wife, as a help mate) but, i am consumed with the l-word.

loneliness.

i miss friendship sometimes (a lot of times) i have great ones, don't get me wrong. i have ones that are incredible, as well as being incredibly busy with life and love and work and such.

i suppose in this season its harder to maintain those friendships. i'm not good at spending my time alone. i've never been good at it.

i just looked outside. minutes ago it was dusk, it was grey. now it is evening, and there is a rain storm. it fits my mood to a T.

i feel grey and rainy and cold.