my day was surrounded by some aspect of pain. talking about pain. experiencing pain. causing different levels of pain. witnessing pain. one friend said that it is inevitable. i suppose it is.
why is it that people hurt others? why is it that boys mislead? why are girls are crazy? why do friends act selfish? why is it that people dont communicate? why dont we cut each other slack, why dont we give a little grace? im guilty more and more every day. why is it?
ive come to a cross roads in my life. not necessarily a quarter life crisis. because im not in crisis. perhaps a few more days in art school and i might feel a little more panicked, but i am in no crisis. i am blessed beyond imagine. i have a wonderful loving family that would do anything and everything to help me. i have ridiculously amazing friends who love me even in my weaknesses. my new home is by far the best place i've ever slept, despite the fact that my doors still dont have curtains. i have food in the pantry, a roof over my head, a small paycheck that somehow pays the bills, and enough room to fit every coffee mug that i own. so no, there is no crisis. i guess this cross roads is a wake up call, and how fitting it has come in this new year, with all this newness consuming me. it is a wake up call for me to figure out just who the hell im going to be. its a reminder, for me to stop looking around the corner, to stop looking for the next best thing. because honestly, i am quite happy with my surroundings. im content with that.
i guess what im trying to say is that im finally content with the pain i have gone through, and although im sure ive caused some pain (and i hate that i have), i assume everything happens for a reason. it is a chance for us to grow and stretch and learn and become better people. right? im banking on that.
so. im not sure how this ends. my ramblings have made me tired.
but i love you. and i mean it.
goodnight.
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