holiday.

i am posted up in the guest room at my parents house. it is so weird being a guest in a house that i lived in for ten plus years. the bed i slept in for many of those years seems so small. the room, its so..guest room like, for lack of a better term. i feel like a visiting cousin or aunt. its ok. i chose to move away. and i dont regret that. atleast this room isnt filled with work out equipment. how cliche. 

im listening to this lovely record by explosions in the sky that a dear friend encouraged me to listen to. the titles are so insightful, and although there are no lyrics, the titles of each song fit perfectly with the music. i can feel what the artists were trying to convey. good job guys. the name of the record is "the earth is not a cold dead place". and they're right. its not. quite the opposite. my favorite song so far is "your hand in mine". i like it. a lot. 

anyway. i am one of the slackers that has yet to purchase any presents for christmas. can i just make you all cards or pictures or something? i am not a shopper, too much pressure. geez. why did i wait this long?? but. i am going to urban outfitters. and that is always a happy time. 

love. <3

i think i'm safer on the jetway, than a world without love.

so.

i'm sitting alone in north carolina. its a cold place. maybe i would enjoy it more if i was a)awake and not completely exhausted or b)if i had gotten out and seen the city or done interesting things here. but i've seen the inside of a van for hours upon hours; the inside of a sketch, but warm, ramada; the inside of cute college radio station which happened to be the location of my short but much needed nap for today; the inside of the worst idea ever which happened to be walking through an asian market place to kill time, for the market is next to the venue which is also next to the local karate place; the inside of a starbucks that i found to be set up quite poorly; and the inside of this cute little venue called cafe jam where everlife will be playing shortly. 

and i keep questioning, what am i doing? i mean, obviously, im sitting here around the beautifully decorated Christmas merch table, selling merch, meeting people and realizing more and more how awkward i can be, but more and more how much my heart loves people. to be fortunate enough to travel around and see people in different walks of life, it really is such an honor. so there lies my question, what am i really doing? am i pursuing that love? i'm not sure. i keep second guessing art school. not that its the right thing to do, or that God completely opened that door when other doors were slammed shut. but what am i going to do with that? i dont have any answers yet. 

we watched aladdin in the van last night. well, we did not. me and advil pm were friends, but quickly became enemies because i did not sleep much. but, aladdin was playing, and i vaguely remember listening to the genie. if life were that easy, to have a magical genie that i could become BFF with who could answer all my questions and wishes..life, however, is not so easy. perhaps at times. its challenging and rewarding and exciting and frustrating and new and wonderful and refreshing...and all that..im challenged daily. but life is quite refreshing right now. even amongst the questions, i am content. 

i really like flannel. and gloves. and death cabs photo album. and christmas lights. and sitting at fido. i need to do that right when i get home. 

love. 

grace.

i just woke up from an amazing nap.

except that i think i had a bad dream. but i woke up. and im still alive. and everything is the same. and life is as it should be. so for that, it was an amazing nap.

God has been speaking, no, yelling (in his sweet but powerful voice) truth to my heart in the last few days. about who i am. who He has wonderfully made me to become. what His plans are for me. i always say "His thoughts are not my thoughts, His plans are not my plans". it really is true. and i am thankful every moment for that. my plans are always messy. my thoughts are sometimes troubled. but thank you Lord for having it all together, and having a plan bigger than me. something that doesnt usually make sense, or go along with what i think is ideal. because, lets be honest. i am a dodgy mess. 

ha. 

i picked up my worn out copy of the ragamuffin gospel today. it is my go to. when i want something quickly, that i know i will find. something underlined with exclamation marks that screams "hey you, look how small you are! and look how big He is! " something that would give me a little bit of grace and little bit of light. i found a few paragraphs to share. of God's character. the character that ive known and seen so evidently in my life these last few months. 

page sixty three through sixty four. 

"mark notes carefully that Jesus picked them [the children] up one by one, cradled them and gave them His blessing. my friend robert frost comments: 'i am so glad Jesus didnt suggest they group all the children together for a sort of general blessing because he was tired. instead he took time to hold each child close to his heart and to earnestly pray for them all...then they joyfully scampered off to bed. one of tenderly reminded of a beautiful messianic passage from the prophets. "He will feed his flock like a shepherd, he will gather the lambs in his arms, he will carry them in his bosom, and will gently lead those that have their young' (isaiah 40:11). i think there is a lesson here for anyone who would seek to set any kind of false condition just who should be recipients of Gods grace. He blessed them all." 

notes: he blessed each one. each one of us he held. the children freely accepted and left joyfully. 

and we are all recipients of His grace. 

<3

it's gotten late, and now i want to be alone..

the countdown has begun. 

twenty six days until i move from this house that ive loved so much. but am anxiously ready to leave. twenty six days until we get to move into something wonderful and bigger with closet space and kitchen space and another sweet roommate. thank the lord for that. 

and twenty six days until we move into our studio. what? yes. a beautiful wonderful studio that is ours for the taking. god is so good. 

and twenty six days until i leave this year behind..i am thankful for that. i learned a lot. ive grown a lot. but it is definitely time for oh nine. seriously. dear two thousand and eight, ive loved you. but ive also hated you. and its time to move on. love, kelly. 

i bought a song called imaginary girl because it was in this cute commercial for a kenmore washer. a little boy who loves his little hat. 

so for our house warming part(ies), we ask not for warmth from alcoholic beverages, but art or pillows or decorative knick knacks or tea or kitchen utensils or rugs..anything of that nature. we should register...we should register. hmm..

i need to get curtains for my dining room bed room. boy am i excited. i drove by yesterday. and tonight. i waved at our lovely home.. 

we also need a bench to go on our porch, for early morning and/or late night coffee talks. 

and ps. i need to be friends with taylor swift. love story and white horse are kicking my ass. thank you thank you thank you for those two songs. absolutely. 

<3

our new little home. 

i am way freaking excited about that. excited that we move out on the first of january two thousand and nine. how symbolic. im so glad to get out of this house and move on to better thing. god is so good, and hes still mending my broken heart..and the future is looking brighter and brighter. 

i do need a new job though. i think. maybe. any suggestions? from all of you who dont really read this. 

<3

empty.

"if through my cracked and dusty dime store lips, i spoke these words out loud would no one hear me?"

why does ray always make me think and ponder? im not sure. but he does. and im glad. until i start over thinking. and then that gets annoying..life just doesnt make any sense. i feel like im spinning out of control. i want to slow down. i want things to calm down. seriously. could you just stop? every bit. get out of my head. get out of my thoughts. k? thanks. 

goodnight. 

my best friend for life is engaged. 

jean is engaged.

probably more excited than ive ever been. well. really really excited. seriously? yes, seriously. 

i am so happy for your little heart, my love. you deserve a prince, for you are a princess. god has been so good and so faithful to you. i have been fortunate enough to see this journey and walk with you in it. 

ok. now i will drive impulsively four hours to hug you and hold your hand and meet your fiance! =)

go cry about it, why dont you...

i'm eating a day old scone. but i mean, its really that gross or anything. because scones are supposed to be kinda hard. im not above eating day old scones. 

im gearing up for the madness that is the day after thanksgiving in cool springs. that means, give yourself at least 30 to 40 extra minutes to get anywhere. and dont come to starbucks. because i might be sassy to you. not because im sassy. i mean, i am. but because lines will be to the door and cars will be around the corner and i will be sass-a-frass trying to get their damn coffee. but you are more than welcome to come visit =) 

i would like to take this moment to personally thank john mayer for continuum. thank you for writing down my thoughts and my heart and my emotions and making a record and making millions and millions. thank you for the heart of life, because pain does throw my heart to the ground, and bad news never had good timing, and no, it wont all go the way it should...but the heart of life is good... according to john. soo..thanks. tanks. 

thanksgiving alone was not all that bad. i wasnt alone. i was surrounded by love and laughter and will farrell and zooey deschanel (who ive decided i want to be when i grow up) and christmas spirit and infamous apple cider. 

ok. its off to sleep and dream. im looking forward to two thousand and nine. seriously. 

tanks giving time.

i love the lyrics to lenka's song 'knock knock'. look it up. i havent taken a good nap in quite awhile. this is my first thanksgiving away from home, and im a bit sad about it. i want a dove tattoo, how cliche. but i dont want another heart tattoo. i dont think. i wish i took better care of myself. new years resolution? probably not. i am moving into a new house. hopefully. it is big and beautiful and i will live in a dining room covered with windows. i'm completely ok with that. we will need furniture. and art too. i never ever want to unpack a starbucks christmas coffee mug box ever again. i dont like it when boys treat girls badly. and when girls let them. that frustrates me. because i do it sometimes. i text too much. i ran over a curb tonight texting. i might cut back. but i doubt it. only because i know myself. i got in to art school. im more scared today than i was yesterday. im impulsive. but not as much as i used to be. i say im a brick wall. but im not really. you can read me like a book. i hope its a good read. i like sleeping on a bus, but only if its warm. i can not, however, sleep in a van. ive learned in the past three weeks how utterly impatient i can be. i apologize if our paths have crossed in that area. im pushing through that. i hate calenders marked and dates circled. and i dont really like eighteen wheelers that much. i finally found an elizabethtown red hat, and its not as amazing as i thought it would be. maybe it will someday soon. i hope so. i have a little rock from lake michigan that is almost the shape of a heart. i love it so much. i say whats on my mind and in my heart a little too much. i feel like a stranger. i need to search for new feathers to put in my hair. i can not wait for this winter to be over, and it has just started. this season is too cold, both physically and emotionally. god is bigger than my circumstances. what good news. im thankful for that. i want a yard gnome and pretty flowers. and i want my bicycle back. i should put up missing bicycle flyers. they stole the basket and the helmet too. atleast they'll be safe. i love my roommate. and i think i will love my new roommate too. did i mention im going to live in a dining room? it will be perfect. im really sleepy. i think i just want someone to hold hands with. 

that is all. 

goodnight. 

bloggity blog.

hello old friend. i have missed you.

i'm bundled on the couch in a big blanket. i made homemade apple cider and cooked breakfast for dinner. it is one of my favorite things. i could eat breakfast for any meal. it makes me reminiscent of birmingham, and my mom. i like those memories.

my heart and my head have been so full lately. so overwhelmed and so heavy. i guess i'm dealing and im coping. and God has held in my heart in His hands for so long. and i am forever grateful for that. i'm reevaluating what life is going to look like. and i'm looking forward to the possibilities and the opportunities. 

but i am a brick wall. cant get through this girl. and i have a love hate relationship with that.  

and i keep getting myself into awkward situations. and they are funny. but geez. come on.

i need a life coach. really? really. 

and art school. what? i can not wait. i am scared to death. i sure hope i dont suck. 

<3

love.

brennan manning. the ragamuffin gospel. chapter nine. page one sixty five.

"the idea that God is love is certainly not new with Jesus. in fact, it probably wasn't even exclusive to the Judeo-Christian tradition. other men at other times in other parts of the world have thought or hoped or wished that the really REAL, the living God, might actually love them. but Jesus added a note of confidence. he didn't say that maybe God was love, or that it would be nice if God were love. he said, GOD IS LOVE-period. but there is more to the message of Jesus. he insisted that his Father is crazy with love, that God is a kooky God who can scarcely bear to be without us." 

what a relief. 

ohemgee

fido is the most interesting place to watch people. there really is no telling what genre of person will walk in next. the skeavy dude with the denim threads and barely washed hair slash teeth. the doctors who stare uncomfortably at my face. (i decide its merely my perfect bone structure..?) the vanderbilt. the belmont. the hipster. the scenester. the musician. the very sleepy barista who sits here at this very computer, and curiously asks herself, "why havent i taken a nap?" and "why am i not working on these essays that await their fate in seven days?". and i cant really answer that question. lack of focus. too much distraction. lack of sleep. too much coffee. not sure. all i know is..seven photos. two kick ass essays one stellar application. due in less than a week. 

oh dear. 

i have one week to take awesome pictures and write awesome papers and get into college. 

geez.